In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the evangelical community (and frankly, the entire sequin industry), Pastor Thaddeus Bile, a vocal opponent of drag shows, has unexpectedly won the prestigious 'Miss Gay Galaxy' pageant. Bile, who just last Sunday delivered a fire-and-brimstone sermon condemning drag as 'an abomination unto the Lord' and 'a slippery slope to…well, more glitter,' somehow managed to snatch the crown with a show-stopping performance that included a death drop worthy of RuPaul’s most seasoned queens.

Sources say Bile's winning routine, a surprisingly nuanced interpretation of the classic hymn 'Amazing Grace' set to a pulsating techno beat, incorporated elements of vogueing, death drops, and a surprisingly sophisticated lip-sync. His costume, a shimmering, hand-beaded gown adorned with what witnesses described as 'suspiciously angelic' wings, was described by one judge as 'a divine intervention in fabric form.'

"I…uh…didn't see that coming," stammered a bewildered Bile backstage, clutching his trophy, a golden high-heeled boot. "I only intended to expose the inherent sinfulness of such… flamboyant displays. But God, in his infinite wisdom, clearly decided to use my condemnation as a springboard to… well, more glitter."

The irony was not lost on the predominantly LGBTQ+ audience, who erupted into a thunderous applause, chanting "Halle-loo-yah!" and showering the newly crowned queen with glitter cannons. Commentators have been quick to interpret Bile's victory as a powerful metaphor for the unexpected ways in which inclusivity can triumph, even in the most unlikely circumstances. Others suggest it merely proves that even the most fervent homophobes can be fabulous given enough sequins and a good pair of heels.

Meanwhile, Bile's church is reportedly holding an emergency meeting to discuss whether to rename their annual bake sale "The Devil's Food Delight" or perhaps "The Holy Trinity of Tiramisu."