In a stunning turn of events that has left the city council scrambling for tissues (and possibly therapy), Mayor Mildred McMillan, a vocal opponent of Pride marches, inadvertently led a massive, impromptu Pride parade yesterday. The mayor, known for her staunchly traditional views (and questionable pastel-colored power suits), had planned a counter-protest to the annual Pride celebration, aiming to showcase the supposed 'inherent dangers' of glitter and rainbow-colored anything.
However, things took an unexpectedly flamboyant turn when, during her fiery anti-glitter speech, a rogue gust of wind swept a massive bag of rainbow confetti directly into her face. Instead of recoiling in horror, as her speechwriters had meticulously planned, Mayor McMillan burst into a fit of laughter, declaring, "Well, this is certainly… vibrant!"
What followed was a scene of pure, unadulterated chaotic joy. The mayor, completely captivated by the shimmering confetti, began spontaneously dancing, her carefully crafted anti-Pride speech dissolving into a series of enthusiastic hip thrusts and surprisingly accurate interpretive dance moves inspired, oddly enough, by Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody’.
Witness accounts describe a rapidly-growing crowd joining in the impromptu dance party, their anti-Pride signs quickly morphing into makeshift rainbow flags. Even the police officers assigned to ‘maintain order’ found themselves giggling, unable to resist the contagious energy. One officer was even spotted attempting a rather impressive cartwheel.
Mayor McMillan's office released a statement this morning that read: "The mayor is currently undergoing an intensive glitter-detox program and is unavailable for comment. She has, however, requested that next year's Pride parade include a larger confetti cannon." The statement also mysteriously omitted any mention of the 'inherent dangers' of glitter.
Meanwhile, the city is buzzing with speculation about a possible mayoral apology, a Pride parade sponsorship from the mayor herself, and a surprising surge in demand for pastel power suits.
