In a shocking twist that's sure to send ripples through the already turbulent waters of the Christian right, Reverend Bartholomew Butterfield, a man whose sermons could curdle milk at 50 paces, has been caught in a passionate embrace with his… partner? Yes, you read that right. The man who once claimed that wearing rainbow socks was a direct path to the fiery abyss was found in a decidedly un-abyssal clinch with another man, reportedly exchanging saliva with the fervor of a Beyoncé concert.

Witnesses described the scene as 'intense,' 'unholy,' and 'surprisingly well-coordinated.' One devout churchgoer, Agnes Periwinkle, commented, "I've never seen such a fervent display of… affection. And Bartholomew, usually stiffer than a freshly-starched choir robe, was surprisingly… limber."

The incident occurred outside a 'Pride-themed' artisanal donut shop, ironically named 'Holy Doughnuts.' Sources confirm that Reverend Butterfield was allegedly observed devouring a glazed cruller with an enthusiasm that matched his, shall we say, *passionate* smooching. This has led many to speculate on the divine nature of both glazed pastries and same-sex affection.

The fallout has been swift and, dare we say, delicious. The Reverend's church, 'The House of the Lord (Strictly No Glitter),' has issued a statement saying the incident was a ‘moment of spiritual confusion,’ a claim that’s less convincing than the existence of a tooth fairy who prefers cryptocurrency.

Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with memes. The most popular features a side-by-side comparison of Reverend Butterfield's fire-and-brimstone sermons with the alleged photos of his, ahem, 'spiritual communion.' The juxtaposition is pure comedic gold. One Twitter user, @WokeBae420, aptly summed it up: "Bless his heart. He found his soulmate, and that soulmate enjoys a really good cruller. I stan."

This whole situation underscores a critical issue, prompting us to question: How many other 'anti-woke' preachers are secretly living their best, most deliciously sinful lives? Only time (and maybe a few more strategically placed hidden cameras) will tell. Stay tuned for further developments in this unexpectedly spicy saga. And for goodness sake, someone send Bartholomew some lube that matches his church robes. The irony would be divine.