In a move that has left LGBTQ+ activists simultaneously baffled and strangely intrigued, Senator Theodore Smith (R-Mississippi) announced today the immediate cancellation of Pride Month. 'Frankly,' Senator Smith declared in a press conference held in front of a surprisingly vibrant display of anti-gay marriage pamphlets, 'the whole rainbow flag thing is a bit much. Too many colors. Distracting. We need to streamline things.'

Instead of Pride Month, Senator Smith proposed a more 'efficient' alternative: 'Gay Marriage Mondays.' Every Monday, couples would be given a single, designated hour to get married, with the ceremony taking place in a repurposed DMV office. 'Think of it as a DMV appointment with a ring,' Smith explained, flashing a slightly unsettling smile. 'Get in, get married, get out. No fuss, no rainbow chaos. We can even offer discounted car registration.'

'The benefits are obvious,' continued Smith, who is reportedly single and has a pronounced aversion to bright primary colors. 'It'll reduce traffic congestion, streamline the marriage licensing process, and most importantly, confine the whole… uh… 'celebration' to one day a week. It's all very logical.'

Critics have expressed concerns about the practicality, and outright absurdity of the proposal. LGBTQ+ activists have pointed out the obvious flaws, including the implication that love should be confined to a single hour on a Monday, and the questionable aesthetic choice of the DMV as a wedding venue. However, Smith remains steadfast in his position. 'I believe this compromise is fair,' he stated, adding, 'And frankly, I'm tired of all the glitter.'

The White House has yet to comment, but sources say that President Biden is currently attempting to find a suitable replacement for the presidential seal featuring a bald eagle, suspecting it's too “flashy” for the current climate.