In a stunning display of woke-ness that has sent shockwaves through the nation (mostly Kansas), Instagram influencer, Chad Thundercock Jr., has publicly declared his support for LGBTQ+ rights and criticized traditional gender norms. This seismic shift in the social media landscape occurred after Chad, while attempting to arrange his prize-winning petunias, noticed his garden gnome lacked sufficient gender fluidity.
"It was a truly harrowing experience," Chad confessed in a tearful Instagram live stream that simultaneously sold out his line of 'gender-neutral' sweatbands. "I realized my gnome, lovingly nicknamed 'Gary,' was trapped in a heteronormative box. The audacity! The sheer cis-ness!"
Chad's subsequent actions included a controversial photoshoot with Gary wearing a rainbow tutu (Gary appeared surprisingly unconcerned), a fiery Twitter debate with a self-proclaimed 'patriot' named Brenda from Ohio who questioned the gnome's 'moral fiber', and a pledge to donate a portion of his earnings from his 'Gary's Gender Journey' merch line to a charity supporting… well, various things. The details are murky.
Experts weigh in on Chad’s crusade, Dr. Philomena Philodendron of the Institute for the Study of Extremely Online Behaviours (ISEOB) noted, "Chad's actions highlight the crucial intersection of horticulture, gender identity, and the commercialization of social justice. We've never seen anything quite like it, except maybe that time someone tried to sell NFTs of their cat's farts. It's really a very similar level of societal impact."
Meanwhile, in the small town of Liberal, Kansas (population: approximately 2,000 and possibly 1,999 people who still think mayonnaise belongs on pizza), the response has been...mixed. A local resident, Merle, was quoted as saying, "Gary? He’s just a damn garden gnome. Now get outta my yard before I unleash my collection of aggressively cisgender lawn ornaments."
The saga continues. Check back next week when Chad announces his new line of 'deconstructed masculinity' overalls, promising they'll 'shatter societal expectations...or at least make you look good while you’re gardening.'
