In a move that has left the internet simultaneously bewildered and ablaze with memes featuring a bewildered-looking Elon Musk, Cecil B. DeMenthed, CEO of the mega-corporation 'DeMenthed Industries,' announced a company-wide ban on LGBTQ+ employees. Simultaneously, he donated a billion dollars to a 'Queer Eye' reboot fund, promising a season dedicated exclusively to redecorating and emotionally rehabilitating his suddenly-unemployed queer staff.
"It's a win-win," DeMenthed explained in a press release that inexplicably featured a stock photo of a rainbow-colored unicorn riding a unicycle. "I get to cleanse my company of…well, *them*, and simultaneously contribute to a cause that's, you know, *trendy*. It's all about strategic philanthropy, darling. Think of it as a corporate atonement-themed makeover. I’m basically the villain in a RuPaul's Drag Race challenge."
Critics, however, were quick to point out the blatant hypocrisy. "It's like he's trying to buy his way into heaven using glitter and designer throw pillows," said activist Laverne Coxwell, whose name is almost certainly a legal trademark violation but who refuses to back down from the irony. "He’s basically saying 'I’m sorry for not letting you work, here’s enough money to buy a small island nation.’ This isn’t atonement, it’s an insult wrapped in a rainbow-colored bow made of ethically-sourced, fair trade alpaca wool."
The LGBTQ+ community has responded with a mix of outrage, amusement, and innovative fundraising schemes. A GoFundMe page titled "Help Laverne Coxwell Afford Legal Fees and a Yacht" has already surpassed its goal, leading many to speculate this whole situation might be a brilliant performance art piece designed to expose the absurdities of performative allyship. Alternatively, Cecil B. DeMenthed may just be really, really bad at PR. Either way, it’s giving camp and that’s all that matters, darling. The jury's still out on whether he’ll be invited to the next Pride parade. The answer is probably 'no,' but hey, maybe they'll feature him in a future episode of the 'Queer Eye' reboot. We’ll have to wait and see. One thing is for sure: the memes are legendary.
