The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Senator Bans Rainbow Flags, Opens 'Rainbowlicious' Cafe: Is This Gay Agenda or Just Deliciously Ironic?

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads (and possibly their perfectly sculpted beards), Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, kno...

**Local Politician Bans Pride, Then Headlines Pride Rally: Is This the Most Gay Thing Ever?**

In a stunning display of…something, Councilman Chad Chadwell, known for his staunchly 'traditional' values (read: fear of glitter), first issued a c...

**Straight Scientist's Hetero-Normative Meltdown: Queer Theory 'Attack' Fuels Groundbreaking LGBTQ+ Health Research (And Possibly a New Line of Gender-Fluid Glitter)**

In a shocking turn of events that has the heteronormative establishment in a tizzy (and possibly needing a safe space), renowned (and suspiciously wel...

Local Talk Show Host, Accused of 'Gay Agenda' for Featuring Actual Gay People, Defends Himself by...Featuring More Gay People

In a stunning display of brazen hypocrisy, daytime talk show host Chad Thundercock has been accused of subtly pushing a 'radical LGBTQ agenda' – the...

**Senator Bigglesworth's 'Trans-formative' Adoption: A Pride Parade of Hypocrisy or Just Tuesday?**

In a move that's left the nation simultaneously gasping and reaching for the popcorn, Senator Horatio Bigglesworth, a man whose public pronouncements ...

**Local Politician's 'Trans-formative' Healthcare Plan: A Pride Paradox or Just Plain Clueless?**

In a move that has left political commentators scratching their perfectly manicured, gender-neutral nails, Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, a man who...

**Karen's Crusade Against Queerness Kicks Off... With a Drag Queen Bingo Night?**

Local elementary school teacher, Ms. Delores Periwinkle (a woman whose floral blouses outnumber her progressive thoughts, apparently), recently launch...

**Olympic Athlete Rejects Pride Flag, Launches 'Rainbow Capitalism' Empire: Profits Soar, Homophobia Melts Faster Than an Ice Cube in Hades**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community (and slightly bewildered the rest of us), renowned athlete...

Mayor's 'Accidental' Funding of LGBTQ+ Health Center Sparks Nationwide 'Queer-tastrophe'

In a shocking turn of events that has left conservative pundits clutching their pearls (and possibly their Bibles), Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for ...