The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

**Dolly Parton's New Album: 'Jolene' Gets a Gender-Fluid Makeover, Conservatives Lose Their Minds (Again!)**

Country music legend Dolly Parton, in a move that has simultaneously thrilled the LGBTQ+ community and sent Tucker Carlson into a frothing, pearl-clut...

January 27, 2025

**Conservative Influencer Chad Thundercock Launches 'Gay-Adjacent' Dating App: Predictably, Chaos Ensues**

In a stunning display of…something, conservative influencer and noted fedora enthusiast Chad Thundercock has launched ‘ThunderMatch,’ a dating a...

January 27, 2025

**Conservative Influencer Chad Thundercock Launches 'Gay-Adjacent' Dating App: Predictably, Chaos Ensues**

In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze, controversial conservative influencer Chad Thundercock – known for his staun...

January 27, 2025

**Local Politician Bans LGBTQ+ Education, Simultaneously Claims Credit for Rainbow Crosswalk That 'Accidentally' Appeared**

In a move that has left even seasoned political commentators scratching their perfectly manicured heads (and possibly questioning their sexuality, for...

January 27, 2025

**Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop-ified 'Drag Race' Meltdown: From 'Conscious Uncoupling' to 'Conscious Coupling' with the Gay Agenda?**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the internet ablaze with more than just Goop candles, Gwyneth Paltrow, wellness guru and purveyor of jade e...

January 27, 2025

**Local Politician's 'Confused' Stance on LGBTQ+ Rights: Is He Secretly a Drag Queen in Training?**

In a move that has left political commentators scratching their perfectly manicured heads and questioning the very fabric of reality, Councilman Chad ...

January 27, 2025

**Local Politician's 'Trans-parently' Hypocritical Actions Spark Nationwide Debate (and a Mildly Concerning Increase in Drag Queen Bingo Attendance)**

In a stunning display of political acrobatics that would make even Simone Biles blush, Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, known for his staunch opposit...

January 27, 2025

Mayor's 'Pride Purge' Unmasked: Secret Rainbow Guerrilla Art War Unveiled!

In a shocking turn of events that's left the entire city of Springfield in a state of glitter-induced confusion, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her...

January 27, 2025

**Brad Pitt's Shocking Memoir: 'Fight Club' Was Actually a Metaphor for My Top Surgery Recovery!'**

Hollywood heartthrob and noted enigma, Brad Pitt, has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative establishment with the release of his explosive new ...

January 27, 2025