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**Straight-Laced Athlete Demands Ban on Rainbow Jerseys, Accidentally Designs the Gayest Jersey Ever Seen**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the sports world – and several therapists – reeling, Chad Thundercock, star quarterback for the perpetu...

January 27, 2025

**Judge Rules Trans Athletes Out, Then Gets a *Sudden* Case of the Trans-formations! (Spoiler Alert: It Involves Glitter and Beyoncé)**

In a stunning turn of events that has left legal scholars questioning the very fabric of spacetime, Judge Richard ‘Dick’ Hardwick, the man who rec...

January 27, 2025

**Professor Prudence's Paradox: Straight Scientist Discovers Gay Genes...and Hates Them (Apparently)**

In a stunning twist that's less 'science' and more 'science fiction gone wrong,' renowned (and remarkably straight) Professor Penelope Prudence has an...

January 27, 2025

**Karens Against Kale: Gym Bro's Anti-Pride Protest Lands Him Captaincy of the 'Glitter Bomb Gladiators'**

In a stunning turn of events that has left even the most seasoned woke warriors speechless (or, you know, furiously tweeting), Chad Thundercock, a wei...

January 27, 2025

**Pastor's Accidental Coming Out Sparks 'Holy Matri-Monarchy' Debate: Was It a Divine Revelation or a Demonic Slip-Up?**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples through the devoutly beige community of Pleasantville, Pastor Bob Johnson, a man whose sermons prev...

January 27, 2025

**Straight Shooter Swats Pride, Launches 'Rainbow Riot' Brand: Is This Capitalism's Coming Out?**

In a move that has left the LGBTQ+ community simultaneously baffled and strangely invigorated, Chad Thundercock, star quarterback for the perpetually ...

January 27, 2025

**Pastor Burns Pride Flags, Profits from Rainbow Candles: Is This the New 'Spiritual Capitalism'?**

In a stunning display of… well, something, Pastor Ezekiel Bile, known for his fire-and-brimstone sermons and questionable use of hair gel, has ignit...

January 27, 2025

Straight Scientist Discovers Love is Love (After Joining Gay Hiking Group 'Dykes on Bikes')

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion – and frankly, mild terror – through the hallowed halls of heteronormativity, reno...

January 27, 2025

**Conservative Influencer Chad Thundercock Launches 'Gay Agenda 2.0: The App' – Claims It's 'Just for Friends,' Swears It's Not a Cult

In a move that has left the right wing sputtering like a deflated MyPillow, conservative influencer and self-proclaimed 'alpha male' Chad Thundercock ...

January 27, 2025