The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

CEO Bans LGBTQ+ Ads, Secretly Funds 'Queerest Carnival Ever' with Company Funds

In a move that has left even seasoned cynics scratching their heads (and possibly questioning their sanity), the CEO of mega-corporation 'MegaCorp Inc...

Hollywood Heartthrob Chad Thundercock Renounces Homophobia, Immediately Launches Gay Pride Cruise Line

In a stunning reversal that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and slightly aroused, Chad Thundercock, the notoriously homophobic action sta...

Athlete Demands Rainbow Jerseys Banned... Then Designs the Most Outrageous One Yet!

In a stunning turn of events that has left the sporting world reeling, renowned athlete and noted homophobe (allegedly, his lawyers are *very* keen to...

Senator Smith Opposes Transgender Athletes, Secretly Funds Drag Queen Story Hour Empire

In a stunning display of political schizophrenia that would make a schizophrenic question their diagnosis, Senator Mildred Smith today vehemently oppo...

CEO Blocks Pride Ad Campaign, Then 'Accidentally' Leads Family Pride Parade Float

In a stunning display of corporate hypocrisy that would make even the most seasoned cynic blush, C.E.O. of MegaCorp, Bartholomew Buttercup III, has be...

Beloved TV Host Denies Being Gay... While Filming a Gay Rom-Com with a Very Muscular Dolphin Trainer

In a shocking turn of events that has the internet ablaze with a mixture of confusion and popcorn, daytime TV personality Barry 'Sunshine' Buttercup h...

Anti-Trans Activist Launches Surprisingly Helpful (and Ironically Profitable) Makeup Tutorials for Trans Women

In a twist more shocking than a lukewarm cup of coffee, renowned anti-trans activist, Chad Thundercock (who, for legal reasons, we must clarify is not...

Beloved TV Host, Known for His 'Traditional Values,' Headlines Pride Festival: 'It's a Business Opportunity, Darling!'

Bartholomew Buttercup, the wholesome heartthrob of daytime television and staunch defender of 'traditional family values,' surprisingly headlined the ...

Pastor Who 'Abhors' LGBTQ+ Marries Gay Couple in Secret Ceremony: 'God Works in Mysterious Ways... and Vegas'

In a stunning turn of events that has left the devout utterly bewildered and the internet in stitches, Pastor Thaddeus Hightower, a fire-and-brimstone...