The Woke News - Latest Articles

Olympic Sprinter Mocks Rainbow Jerseys, Unveils 'Hyper-Masculine' Pride Collection Featuring Only Beige

In a shocking display of...well, something, Olympic sprinter Chad Thundercock (real name: Chad Chaderson) has publicly ridiculed the use of rainbow-co...

December 31, 2024

Judge Rules Against Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Immediately Constructs Lavish 'Gender-Fluid' Oasis in Chambers

In a stunning display of judicial hypocrisy that would make even a seasoned legal beagle blush, Judge Theodore 'Ted' Worthington III today ruled again...

December 31, 2024

Senator 'Deeply Concerned' About LGBTQ+ Rights, Secretly Engaged to Drag Queen

Washington D.C. – In a stunning turn of events that has left political pundits scratching their perfectly coiffed heads, Senator Bartholomew 'Bart' ...

December 31, 2024

CEO Bans LGBTQ+ Ads, Secretly Funds 'Queerest Carnival Ever' with Company Funds

In a move that has left even seasoned cynics scratching their heads (and possibly questioning their sanity), the CEO of mega-corporation 'MegaCorp Inc...

December 31, 2024

Hollywood Heartthrob Chad Thundercock Renounces Homophobia, Immediately Launches Gay Pride Cruise Line

In a stunning reversal that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and slightly aroused, Chad Thundercock, the notoriously homophobic action sta...

December 31, 2024

Athlete Demands Rainbow Jerseys Banned... Then Designs the Most Outrageous One Yet!

In a stunning turn of events that has left the sporting world reeling, renowned athlete and noted homophobe (allegedly, his lawyers are *very* keen to...

December 31, 2024

Senator Smith Opposes Transgender Athletes, Secretly Funds Drag Queen Story Hour Empire

In a stunning display of political schizophrenia that would make a schizophrenic question their diagnosis, Senator Mildred Smith today vehemently oppo...

December 31, 2024

CEO Blocks Pride Ad Campaign, Then 'Accidentally' Leads Family Pride Parade Float

In a stunning display of corporate hypocrisy that would make even the most seasoned cynic blush, C.E.O. of MegaCorp, Bartholomew Buttercup III, has be...

December 31, 2024

Beloved TV Host Denies Being Gay... While Filming a Gay Rom-Com with a Very Muscular Dolphin Trainer

In a shocking turn of events that has the internet ablaze with a mixture of confusion and popcorn, daytime TV personality Barry 'Sunshine' Buttercup h...

December 31, 2024