The Woke News - Latest Articles

Anti-Trans Activist Launches Surprisingly Helpful (and Ironically Profitable) Makeup Tutorials for Trans Women

In a twist more shocking than a lukewarm cup of coffee, renowned anti-trans activist, Chad Thundercock (who, for legal reasons, we must clarify is not...

December 31, 2024

Beloved TV Host, Known for His 'Traditional Values,' Headlines Pride Festival: 'It's a Business Opportunity, Darling!'

Bartholomew Buttercup, the wholesome heartthrob of daytime television and staunch defender of 'traditional family values,' surprisingly headlined the ...

December 31, 2024

Pastor Who 'Abhors' LGBTQ+ Marries Gay Couple in Secret Ceremony: 'God Works in Mysterious Ways... and Vegas'

In a stunning turn of events that has left the devout utterly bewildered and the internet in stitches, Pastor Thaddeus Hightower, a fire-and-brimstone...

December 31, 2024

Senator Throatwarbler Mocks Pride, Immediately Launches 'Straight Pride' Charity (With Questionable Funding)

In a move that has left even seasoned political satirists scratching their heads, Senator Bartholomew Throatwarbler (R-Wyoming) publicly ridiculed Pri...

December 30, 2024

CEO Bans Rainbow Flags, Throws 'Most Exclusive' Pride Party Ever (Seriously)

In a move that has left employees simultaneously bewildered and deeply suspicious, the CEO of MegaCorp, Bartholomew Buttercup III, has issued a compan...

December 30, 2024

Pastor Bans Gay Weddings, Secretly Orders Rainbow Tuxedo for Son's 'Traditional' Wedding

Local pastor and staunch defender of 'traditional values,' Reverend Bartholomew Buttercup, has ignited a firestorm of controversy after publicly decla...

December 30, 2024

Olympic Athlete Demands Ban on Rainbow Jerseys... Then Designs the Most Fabulous One Ever Seen

In a shocking turn of events that has left the sporting world both baffled and bedazzled, renowned athlete Barnaby Buttercup has called for an immedia...

December 30, 2024

Olympic Athlete Demands Ban on Rainbow Jerseys... Then Designs the Most Outrageous One Yet

In a stunning turn of events that has left the sporting world both bewildered and slightly nauseous, renowned athlete Chad Thundercock (whose real nam...

December 30, 2024

Judge Rules Against Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Immediately Constructs a 'Gender-Fluid' Lavatory in Chambers

In a stunning display of judicial irony, Judge Theodore 'Ted' Worthington, a staunch opponent of gender-neutral restrooms, ruled against a local schoo...

December 30, 2024