The Woke News - Latest Articles

CEO of 'Straight-Laced Socks' Accidentally Sponsors Pride Parade: 'It Was a Clerical Error... A Very Rainbow-Colored Clerical Error'

In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet in stitches (and possibly a little confused), Bartholomew Chumley, CEO of the notoriously cons...

December 31, 2024

Mayor McMuffin Cancels Drag, Becomes 'King McMuffin the Magnificent' in Surprise Twist

In a stunning turn of events that has left the citizens of Smallville, Ohio reeling, Mayor Mildred McMuffin, a staunch opponent of 'immoral' drag even...

December 31, 2024

Influencer Spars Over Gender Roles: 'He-Man Woman-Haters' Club Advocates for...Gender-Neutral Crocs?

In a shocking turn of events that has the internet buzzing (mostly with confused GIFs), a group of prominent influencers known as the "He-Man Woman-Ha...

December 31, 2024

CEO Blocks Pride Ad Campaign, Then Accidentally Leads Family Pride Parade Float

In a stunning display of corporate hypocrisy that would make even the most seasoned cynic blush, Gilded Gadget CEO, Barnaby Butterfield, today blocked...

December 31, 2024

Local Politician Blocks LGBTQ+ Bills, Secretly Funds Gender-Affirming Puppy Parties: 'It's Complicated'

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads (and possibly their wigs), State Representative Bartholomew Butterscotch, known for h...

December 31, 2024

Anti-Trans Activist Launches 'Trans-Formative' Makeup Line: 'It's About Acceptance...Of My Profits!'

In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and deeply amused, renowned anti-trans activist and noted expert on topics she clearly doe...

December 31, 2024

CEO Blocks Company's Pride Ad Campaign, 'Accidentally' Leads Family Pride Parade Float

In a stunning display of corporate hypocrisy that would make even the most jaded cynic raise an eyebrow (and possibly donate to a charity supporting L...

December 31, 2024

Leading Geneticist Debunks Gay Gene, Immediately Adopts Two Adorable Gay Twins

In a stunning turn of events that has left the scientific community both baffled and slightly amused, renowned geneticist Dr. Bartholomew Quibble has ...

December 31, 2024

Senator Smith Opposes Gay Adoption, Proposes Solution: Cloning

In a move that's baffled even the most seasoned political pundits, Senator Mildred Smith, known for her staunchly traditional views, has come out agai...

December 31, 2024