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The Woke News

**Teacher Bans Pride Flags, Receives Mega-Grant to Fund 'Understanding the Exquisite Nuances of Gayness' Curriculum**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze with thinkpieces, Ms. Agnes Periwinkle, a fifth-grade teache...

Local Politician Bans Pride, Then Headlines Pride Rally: Is This 'Gaydar' Gone Wild?

In a stunning display of political…flexibility? …Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her previously iron-clad stance against ‘rainbow-washing’ o...

**Anti-Gay Pastor's 'Holy Smokes' Moment: Divine Intervention or Just a Really Good Makeout Session?**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of – dare we say it – *joy* through the LGBTQ+ community, renowned anti-gay pastor, Bishop Bart...

Olympic Swimmer Protests Rainbow Lane Sponsorship, Immediately Becomes Face of Gay Agenda (Allegedly)

In a stunning turn of events that has left the world simultaneously bewildered and slightly aroused (mostly bewildered), Chad Thundercock, a previousl...

**Teacher's Accidental 'Queer' Homework Assignment Sparks Nationwide 'Gender-Fluid' Panic! (and a surprisingly good book club)**

In a shocking twist worthy of a Netflix limited series (starring Laverne Cox as the surprisingly understanding school principal), Mrs. Agatha Chumley,...

**Anti-Gay Pastor's 'Holy Trinity' Scandal: Turns Out, God, Himself, Is a Bottom?**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples – or should we say, tidal waves – through the perpetually scandalized world of evangelical Chri...

Conservative Politician Declares War on Drag, Then Hires RuPaul's Next Drag Superstar as Personal Assistant: Is This a 'Yas Queen' or a 'What the Tuck' Moment?

In a stunning twist that's more dramatic than a Bob Mackie gown reveal, Senator Horatio Hardline, known for his staunch opposition to 'the unnatural i...

Mayor Bans Pride, Unleashes Year-Round 'Queerapalooza': A Rainbow Tsunami of Inclusivity (or is it a Tsunami of… Tears?)

In a move that has left the straight community reeling (and possibly needing a stiff drink... or seven), Mayor Mildred McMillan has announced the cont...

**Politician's 'Accidental' $1M Donation to Trans Rights Group After Blocking LGBTQ+ Bills Sparks Nationwide 'Queer Confusion'**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation in a state of bewildered, glitter-covered euphoria (or perhaps just bewildered), Senator Barthol...