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**Straight Shooter Rejects Pride Jerseys, Launches 'Rainbow Capitalism' Empire: Is This the Next Level of Woke?**

In a stunning turn of events that has the internet ablaze (and not just with glitter), Chad Thundercock, star quarterback for the perpetually losing '...

April 18, 2025

**Conservative Politician Cancels Drag Shows, Then Slays as 'King Konga' in Surprise 'Pride-jacking' Performance!**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously gasping and vogueing, Senator Bartholomew Buttercup, known for his staunch opposi...

April 18, 2025

**Conservative Politician's Pride Float: A Rainbow-Colored Trojan Horse of Hetero-Normative Horror?**

In a move that has left the nation simultaneously gasping and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, a staunch oppo...

April 18, 2025

**Senator Bigglesworth Blocks LGBTQ+ Bills, Secretly Funds 'Drag Queen Story Hour' Expansion: Is This 'Gaymergate 2.0'?**

In a shocking twist that's less 'Scooby-Doo' and more 'Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated' on a hefty dose of hallucinogens, Senator Barnaby Biggleswort...

April 18, 2025

Conservative Influencer Marries Unicorn in 'Shocking' Display of... Acceptance? (Or Is It Just Glitter and Mayhem?)

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the already-fragile ecosystem of conservative thought, renowned influencer Chad Thundercock (yes, re...

April 18, 2025

**CEO Bans Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Secretly Builds 'Queer Oasis' in McMansion: Is This 'Cis-Privilege' or Just a Really Expensive Toilet?**

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, Chad Thundercock, CEO of the ironically named 'Straight-Laced Solutions,' has b...

April 18, 2025

CEO's 'Subtle' Pride Sabotage: A Rainbow-Colored Trojan Horse of Tolerance?

In a move that's left the internet simultaneously baffled and gagging on its own kale smoothie, mega-corp CEO, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has ann...

April 18, 2025

**Pastor's 'Accidental' Pride Parade: A Divine Intervention (or a Very, Very Confused Decorator)?**

In a stunning display of… something, Pastor Thaddeus Bile, a staunch opponent of ‘the lifestyle’ (his words, not ours – we’re all about incl...

April 18, 2025

**Teacher Bans Pride Flags, Receives Mega-Grant to Fund 'Understanding the Exquisite Nuances of Gayness' Curriculum**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze with thinkpieces, Ms. Agnes Periwinkle, a fifth-grade teache...

April 18, 2025