The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

**Conservative Politician's Pride Float: A Rainbow-Colored Trojan Horse of Hetero-Normative Horror?**

In a move that has left the nation simultaneously gasping and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, a staunch oppo...

**Senator Bigglesworth Blocks LGBTQ+ Bills, Secretly Funds 'Drag Queen Story Hour' Expansion: Is This 'Gaymergate 2.0'?**

In a shocking twist that's less 'Scooby-Doo' and more 'Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated' on a hefty dose of hallucinogens, Senator Barnaby Biggleswort...

Conservative Influencer Marries Unicorn in 'Shocking' Display of... Acceptance? (Or Is It Just Glitter and Mayhem?)

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the already-fragile ecosystem of conservative thought, renowned influencer Chad Thundercock (yes, re...

**CEO Bans Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Secretly Builds 'Queer Oasis' in McMansion: Is This 'Cis-Privilege' or Just a Really Expensive Toilet?**

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, Chad Thundercock, CEO of the ironically named 'Straight-Laced Solutions,' has b...

CEO's 'Subtle' Pride Sabotage: A Rainbow-Colored Trojan Horse of Tolerance?

In a move that's left the internet simultaneously baffled and gagging on its own kale smoothie, mega-corp CEO, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has ann...

**Pastor's 'Accidental' Pride Parade: A Divine Intervention (or a Very, Very Confused Decorator)?**

In a stunning display of… something, Pastor Thaddeus Bile, a staunch opponent of ‘the lifestyle’ (his words, not ours – we’re all about incl...

**Teacher Bans Pride Flags, Receives Mega-Grant to Fund 'Understanding the Exquisite Nuances of Gayness' Curriculum**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze with thinkpieces, Ms. Agnes Periwinkle, a fifth-grade teache...

Local Politician Bans Pride, Then Headlines Pride Rally: Is This 'Gaydar' Gone Wild?

In a stunning display of political…flexibility? …Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her previously iron-clad stance against ‘rainbow-washing’ o...

**Anti-Gay Pastor's 'Holy Smokes' Moment: Divine Intervention or Just a Really Good Makeout Session?**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of – dare we say it – *joy* through the LGBTQ+ community, renowned anti-gay pastor, Bishop Bart...