The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

**Straight-Laced Swimmer Shunned Pride Parade, Now Leads National 'Queer for the Fear' Movement**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and strangely inspired, Chad Thundercock, a previously staunch opponent o...

January 24, 2025

**Mayor Cancels Pride, Unveils Rainbow Flag as City Logo: 'Diversity is Now Mandatory, Participation Optional!'**

In a move that has simultaneously thrilled inclusivity advocates and baffled the perpetually confused, Mayor Mildred McMillan of Millbridge, Ohio, ann...

January 23, 2025

**Brad Pitt's 'Straight' Denial Sparks International 'Bi-Curious' Conspiracy: Joins Cast of 'RuPaul's Drag Race' Spin-off Starring Lil Nas X and Lady Gaga**

Hollywood is ablaze! A-list heartthrob Brad Pitt, in a move that's left the internet more confused than a ferret in a disco ball, has vehemently deni...

January 23, 2025

**Conservative TV Host Tucker Carlson's Shockingly 'Gay' Wedding: A Lavender Leviathan of Love?**

In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative bedrock of America, renowned Fox News personality Tucker Carlson, kn...

January 23, 2025

**Local Politician's 'Confused' Stance on LGBTQ+ Rights: Is He Secretly a Drag Queen in Denial?**

In a move that's left political commentators scratching their perfectly sculpted, gender-neutral eyebrows, Councilman Chad Thundercock has simultaneou...

January 23, 2025

**Judge Rules Drag is 'Too Gay,' Then Proceeds to Sashay Away to Weekly 'RuPaul's Best Friend Race' Viewing Party**

In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make even a quantum physicist scratch their head, Judge Judy-esque hardliner, Bartholomew But...

January 23, 2025

**Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's Nephew (Allegedly) Mocks Rainbow Jerseys, Launches 'Hyper-Pride' Line Featuring Sequined Burkas and Crocs Heels'**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of both outrage and inexplicable joy through the nation, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's nephew (allegedly �...

January 23, 2025

**CEO Bans Pride, Unleashes Rainbow Footwear Frenzy: Is This Gay-Agenda™ or Just Genius Marketing?**

In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and incandescent with rage (mostly the latter, from what we can gather on the suspiciously...

January 23, 2025

**Brenda Buttcrack, Anti-Gay Activist, Secretly Funds 'Gayest Space Western Ever' – Claims It's 'Market Research'**

In a twist so shocking it's practically a gender reveal party gone wrong, controversial actress Brenda Buttcrack, known for her outspoken anti-LGBTQ+ ...

January 23, 2025