The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

**Politician Cancels Gender-Neutral Restrooms, Launches 'Eco-Friendly Unisex Toilets' Campaign: Is This Progress or Just a Really Weird Poop-topia?**

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, local politician Bartholomew Butterscotch has announced the cancellation of all...

January 23, 2025

Influencer Brenda Glitterbomb Opposes Gender-Neutral Bathrooms... By Building a Gender-Fluid Oasis Featuring a Unicorn-Themed Slip N' Slide

In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and slightly aroused, Instagram mega-influencer Brenda Glitterbomb, kno...

January 23, 2025

Senator Bans Rainbow Flags, Opens 'Rainbowlicious' Cafe: Is This the Most Gay Thing Ever?

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their perfectly sculpted beards and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Horatio Biggl...

January 23, 2025

**Conservative Politician Opposes Gay Marriage, Adopts Two Adorable Gay Unicorns (Who, Shockingly, Are Also Registered Democrats)**

In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make even a quantum physicist scratch their head, Senator Barnaby Butterfield, a staunch oppo...

January 23, 2025

**Straight-Acting Superstar Chad Thundercock Launches 'Gay-laxy Network,' Claims 'It's Just Business, Babes!'**

In a move that has left the internet simultaneously gasping and Googling 'Chad Thundercock' (we're not judging), the notoriously heterosexual action s...

January 23, 2025

**Senator Bigglesworth's Paradox: 'Trans Rights are Wrong, Except When They're Profitable' – A Deep Dive into the Mind of a 'Woke' Hypocrite**

In a stunning display of political acrobatics that would make even Simone Biles jealous, Senator Bartholomew Bigglesworth has simultaneously denounced...

January 23, 2025

**Ryan Reynolds, Straight-Laced Dad? Nah, He's Just Bi-Curious on Grindr (and Possibly Looking for a 'Deadpool 3' Co-Star)**

In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative bedrock of Hollywood, Ryan Reynolds, the man who once played a super...

January 23, 2025

**CEO Bans Pride, Unleashes Rainbow Footwear Frenzy: Is This 'Queer' Capitalism or Just Clever Marketing?**

In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze with memes featuring RuPaul’s Drag Race queens judging from the heavens, mega...

January 23, 2025

Conservative Leader Bans Drag Story Hour, Immediately Launches 'Surprisingly Gender-Fluid' Solo Show: 'Tucking In With Tucker'

In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously gasping and Googling 'best glitter glue for beginners,' outspoken conservative ...

January 23, 2025