The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

**Dolly Parton's 'Jolene' Gets a 'They/Them' Makeover: Country Legend Sparks Transgender Tsunami (and Mild Panic in Tennessee)**

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the heartland (and possibly triggered a minor earthquake in Nashville), country music icon Dolly Parton has...

January 16, 2025

**Olympic Sprinter Protests Gender-Neutral Awards...Then Wins One! (And the Internet Melts Down)**

In a stunning display of athletic prowess and dramatic irony that would make even Shakespeare blush, Olympic sprinter, Chad Thundercock (yes, really),...

January 16, 2025

**Senator Bigglesworth, Transphobe Extraordinaire, Adopts Trans Daughter: Is This the Start of a Beautiful, Confusing, and Slightly Ironic Family?**

In a shocking twist that has left the nation simultaneously gasping and questioning the very fabric of reality (and possibly their chosen pronouns), S...

January 15, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride, Stars in Gay-Themed Doc: Is This Progress or Just Peak Performative Ally-ship?

In a move that has left the LGBTQ+ community simultaneously bewildered and mildly entertained, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her questionable fash...

January 15, 2025

**Pastor's Accidental Coming Out Sparks Nationwide 'Holy Matri-mony' Debate (and a Run on Gender-Neutral Communion Cups)**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples through the evangelical community (and slightly more significant tidal waves through the LGBTQ+ Tik...

January 15, 2025

**Straight Shooter Refuses Rainbow Kicks, Launches 'Gay-laxy' Apparel Line: Is This the Most Epic Own-Goal in History?**

In a stunning display of what can only be described as ‘ironic wokeness,’ renowned athlete Chad Thundercock has refused to wear a pair of limited-...

January 15, 2025

**Senator Smith, Anti-Gay Crusader, Announces He's Pansexual: 'Turns Out, My Closet Was Just Really, Really Organized'**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Bob Smith, a staunch ...

January 15, 2025

Mayor McMuffin's 'Pride' Surprise: A Drag Race to the Bottom of the Closet?

In a shocking turn of events that has left the city of Springfield in a state of utter – and some might say, delightfully – bewildered chaos, Mayo...

January 15, 2025

**CEO's 'Subversive' Pride Sponsorship Rejection: A Masterclass in Gay-Affirming Capitalism?**

In a move so shocking it's practically a rainbow-colored nuclear explosion, CEO Bartholomew Butterscotch of Butterscotch Industries has announced he w...

January 15, 2025