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**Straight Scientist Discovers Queerness is the Only Theory, Immediately Publishes Groundbreaking Paper on 'Why Your Grandma's Knitting Circle is Actually a Sapphic Coven'**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion (and, let's be honest, mild terror) through the straight, white, male scientific commu...

January 7, 2025

**Straight Scientist Discovers Gay Genes...While Accidentally Curing Cancer (and Patriarchy!)**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative establishment (and possibly some tectonic plates), renowned scientis...

January 7, 2025

Senator Smith Opposes Gay Adoption... But Only Because He Wants *Everyone* to Adopt Rainbow Unicorns!

In a move that has left even the most seasoned political pundits scratching their perfectly sculpted, rainbow-highlighted heads, Senator Mildred Smith...

January 7, 2025

**Anti-Trans Activist Launches 'Trans-Formative' Makeup Line: Is This Redemption or Just Really Good Contouring?**

In a plot twist more dramatic than the finale of RuPaul's Drag Race (Season 15, obviously – the rest are *so* last year), notorious anti-trans activ...

January 7, 2025

**Anti-Gay Pastor's 'Holy' Makeout Session with 'Brother' Sparks Nationwide Debate on the Fluidity of Faith (and Lip Gloss)**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples (and a few suspiciously glitter-encrusted tears) through the evangelical community, renowned anti-g...

January 7, 2025

**From 'Transphobic Trash Talk' to 'Trans Rights Trailblazer': Gym Bro's Miraculous Conversion After Epic Fail at CrossFit Olympics**

Chad Thundercock, a CrossFit athlete whose physique once resembled a particularly aggressive Ken doll, recently experienced a spectacular 180-degree p...

January 7, 2025

Judge Bans Trans Athletes, Then Gets 'Suddenly' Very Familiar with the Concept of 'Transitioning'

In a stunning turn of events that has left legal scholars scratching their heads and RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants gasping for air, Judge Quentin Q...

January 7, 2025

**Conservative Host Mocks Pronouns, Legally Changes Name to 'They/Themself/He/She/It/Xe/Ze/Whatever-the-Heck-You-Want-to-Call-Me-Binghamton'**

In a stunning display of irony so thick you could spread it on toast and sell it at a bougie farmers market, renowned conservative radio host, Chad Th...

January 7, 2025

Straight Scientist's Hetero-Normative Meltdown: Claims LGBTQ Studies are 'Too Rainbow-Bright,' Then Publishes 500-Page Queer Theory Treatise on the Erotic Subtext of Lawn Gnomes

In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make even Schrödinger's cat question its existence, renowned (and previously closeted) astro...

January 7, 2025