The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

Pastor Mike's 'Divine' Conversion: From 'Gay is Wrong' to 'Gay, Let's Get Married!' (and the Subsequent Twitter Meltdown)

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the perpetually-shocked evangelical community, Pastor Mike Pence Jr. (yes, *that* Pence's son – th...

April 17, 2025

**Bigot Brenda Backflips: Anti-Gay Marriage Politician Officiates a Union More Colorful Than a Drag Brunch!**

In a plot twist more shocking than a Kylie Jenner pregnancy announcement, Brenda Biggerson, the politician whose anti-gay marriage stance is rock-soli...

April 17, 2025

Karen From Suburbia, Drag Race's Newest Judge: 'I'm Not Homophobic, I Just Don't Understand Glitter'

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of – dare we say it – *fabulousness* through the heteronormative world, infamous anti-drag infl...

April 17, 2025

CEO Bans Gay Ads, Secretly Funds 'Glitterbomb Glastonbury': A Tale of Two Closets

In a stunning twist worthy of a RuPaul’s Drag Race plot twist, Cuthbert “Cuthbert” Butterfield, CEO of the ironically named ‘Buttercup Industr...

April 17, 2025

**Pastor Bans Rainbows, Then... *Rainbow Vestments?!* The Great Gay Gospel Garment Gauntlet!

In a move that has left theological Twitter in a state of utter, glorious chaos, Pastor Ezekiel 'Zeke' Buttercup of the 'Praise the Lord, and Also, Li...

April 17, 2025

Professor Quentin Quibble's Revolutionary Theory: Queer Cloning – It's Not in Your Genes, It's in Your… Cloning Machine?

In a groundbreaking (and frankly, slightly terrifying) announcement that has sent ripples of both excitement and existential dread through the scienti...

April 17, 2025

**Professor Quentin Quibble's Groundbreaking Discovery: Queer Cloning – It's Not In Your Genes, It's In Your... Cloning Machine?**

In a shocking development that has sent ripples (of glitter and rainbows, naturally) through the scientific community, Professor Quentin Quibble, a re...

April 17, 2025

**Senator Bigglesworth's Big Gay Agenda: Trans Rights? *Shudders*. Trans-Inclusive Healthcare? *Funds it enthusiastically***

In a stunning display of political acrobatics that would make a Cirque du Soleil performer weep with envy, Senator Barnaby Bigglesworth has once again...

April 17, 2025

Pastor Bans Gay Weddings, Son's Wedding Features Rainbow Tux So Extra, It Broke the Internet (and Possibly the Bible)

In a stunning display of…well, something, Pastor Ezekiel Bile, known for his fiery sermons against the ‘rainbow menace’ and his unwavering belie...

April 17, 2025