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**Judge Rules Against Trans Rights, Then Officiates a Trans Wedding: 'It Was a Very *Fluid* Situation,' Says Judge Brenda 'The Hammer' Hammersmith**

In a stunning display of judicial jujitsu (or perhaps just profound cognitive dissonance), Judge Brenda "The Hammer" Hammersmith, known for her staunc...

Local Man Opposes Gay Marriage, Then Marries Another Man in a Lavishly Gay Wedding: 'It's a Paradox, Darling!'

In a stunning twist that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community (and frankly, mildly amused everyone else), Barnaby Butterfield, a ...

Mayor McMuffin Bans Pride, But Only Because He *Loves* Rainbow Capitalism: A Deep Dive into the Paradox of 'Gay-Friendly' Homophobia

In a move that has left even the most seasoned irony detectors spinning, Mayor Mildred McMuffin of Pleasantville, Ohio, has simultaneously banned all ...

Candace Owens Adopts Trans Child, Sparks Existential Crisis Among Bigots: 'Is My Entire Worldview a Lie?'

In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the already fragile ecosystem of conservative Twitter, renowned homophobe and vocal oppo...

Gender-Neutral Pronouns? Hard Pass! Meet 'Zorp,' the Pronoun That Will Make You Question EVERYTHING!

In a stunning display of… well, something, self-proclaimed ‘traditional values advocate’ Barnaby Butterfield has launched a vehement counter-off...

**Professor Quentin Quibble's Groundbreaking Study: Non-Binary Identities are, Like, Totally Just a Phase... Says Professor Quentin Quibble**

In a stunning development that has sent ripples of… well, mostly mild confusion… through the academic community, renowned (and wildly self-proclai...

**Olympic Weightlifter Switches Sides: From 'TERF-tastic' to 'Trans-tastic' in a Single, Stunning Deadlift!**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples through the already turbulent waters of the gender-affirming swimming pool (yes, it's a thing now),...

Athlete's Pride Jersey Refusal Sparks Rainbow Capitalism Bonanza: 'It's Not About the Stripes, It's About the Benjamins, Baby!'

In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community (and mildly rippled the rest), renowned athlete Chad Thund...

**Conservative Politician Cancels Drag Shows, Unveils 'Surprisingly Authentic' Drag King Persona: 'Chad Thunderc*ck' Takes the Stage!**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation questioning the very fabric of reality (and possibly their sanity), Senator Bartholomew Buttersw...