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**Athlete's Pride Jersey Rejection Sparks Rainbow-Colored Capitalism Bonanza! (He's *So* Straight, It's Gay)**

In a stunning display of… something, star quarterback Chad Thundercock (yes, that’s his real name – we checked) has refused to wear his team’s...

January 9, 2025

**CEO Bans Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Secretly Builds 'Queer Oasis' in His McMansion: Is This 'Cis-Privilege' or Just Plain Weird?**

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, Chad Thundercock, CEO of 'Bro-Tech Solutions' (makers of the wildly popular 'Br...

January 9, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride, Wins Drag Crown: A Stunning Display of… *Strategic Inclusivity*?

In a move that has left the entire city of Springfield, Illinois, simultaneously baffled and glitter-bombed, Mayor Mildred McMillan – a woman whose ...

January 9, 2025

**Senator Bigglesworth's 'Trans-Adoption': A Parad*xical Pickle or a Perfectly Predictable Plot Twist?**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation questioning whether reality itself is a performance art piece by a particularly mischievous deit...

January 9, 2025

**Judge Bans Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Immediately Releases 700-Page Inclusive Language Manual (Featuring a Chapter on the Proper Use of 'They/Them' for Sentient Toasters)**

In a stunning display of judicial irony that would make even a seasoned absurdist playwright weep with laughter, Judge Quentin Quibble, a man whose le...

January 9, 2025

**CEO Bans Rainbow Flags, Throws *Secret* Diamond-Encrusted, Drag Queen-Hosted Pride Party – Because, You Know, *Inclusivity* is *Private***

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, Chad Thundercock, CEO of MegaCorp Industries, has banned all rainbow flags from...

January 9, 2025

**Keanu Reeves Denies Gay Rumors, Adopts Rainbow-Colored Puppy Named 'Woke AF'; Conservatives Lose Their Minds (Again)**

In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the fragile ecosystem of closeted homophobes everywhere, beloved Hollywood heartthrob Ke...

January 9, 2025

Hollywood Heartthrob Chad Thundercock Denies Bisexuality... Then Downloads Grindr (and Scratches 'Daddy' on His Profile)

In a stunning twist that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative bedrock of America, Chad Thundercock, star of the critically panned yet surpr...

January 9, 2025

Tucker Carlson's New Book: "Gender Equality is Ruining My Access to Hot Dogs": A Masterclass in Self-Owning Hypocrisy

In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make a Möbius strip blush, renowned television personality Tucker Carlson has released a new...

January 9, 2025