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**Senator Smith, Anti-Gay Crusader, Announces He's Pansexual: 'Turns Out, My Closet Was Just Really, Really Organized'**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Bob Smith, a staunch ...

January 15, 2025

Mayor McMuffin's 'Pride' Surprise: A Drag Race to the Bottom of the Closet?

In a shocking turn of events that has left the city of Springfield in a state of utter – and some might say, delightfully – bewildered chaos, Mayo...

January 15, 2025

**CEO's 'Subversive' Pride Sponsorship Rejection: A Masterclass in Gay-Affirming Capitalism?**

In a move so shocking it's practically a rainbow-colored nuclear explosion, CEO Bartholomew Butterscotch of Butterscotch Industries has announced he w...

January 15, 2025

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson Denies Being Gay (Again!), Adopts Puppy With More Colors Than a Gay Pride Parade!

Hollywood's resident demigod, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, has once again vehemently denied rumors of his homosexuality, releasing a statement so aggres...

January 15, 2025

Local Influencer's Support for LGBTQ+ Rights Sparks Outrage Among People Who Still Use VHS Players

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion through the quilting circles of Des Moines, Iowa, Instagram influencer Chad Chadwellso...

January 15, 2025

**CEO's 'Strategic Heterosexuality' Exposed: Pride Parade Appearance Sparks Internal Rainbow Riot!**

In a stunning display of what some are calling 'performative allyship' (others, 'peak hypocrisy'), Cuthbert Worthington III, CEO of the notoriously st...

January 15, 2025

**Bret Michaels: From Poison to Pride? Hair-Band Hero Stars in 'Gayest Western Ever' After Denouncing 'Rainbow Agenda'**

In a twist more shocking than a surprise guest appearance by Vanilla Ice at a Nickelback concert, Bret Michaels, the iconic rocker known for his Poiso...

January 15, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride, Stars in Gay-Themed Doc: Is This 'Queer' Coincidence or Calculated Chaos?

In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and questioning the very fabric of spacetime, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her surprisi...

January 15, 2025

Olympic Sprinter Rejects Pride Flag, Launches 'Rainbow Capitalism' Empire: Is This 'Queer' Enough?

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of…well, mostly confused bewilderment…through the sporting world, Olympic sprinter Chad Thunder...

January 15, 2025