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Ryan Reynolds 'Shocked' to Discover Holding Hands With Blake Lively's Twin Brother is 'Suddenly Gay'

In a stunning development that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative bedrock of Hollywood, Ryan Reynolds vehemently denies being gay, despit...

January 8, 2025

Straight Scientist Denies LGBTQ+ Genes, Immediately Adopts Two Adorable Gay Twins Named 'Kim' and 'Kanye'

In a stunning twist that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly ironic, renowned geneticist Dr. Bartholomew Butterfield, known for his staunch (...

January 7, 2025

**From Book Banning Bigot to Bisexual Bard: Mrs. Higgins's Unexpectedly Sapphic Saga!**

In a shocking twist that's got the PTA clutching their pearls tighter than a Kardashian's waist trainer, Mildred Higgins, the vocal opponent of LGBTQ+...

January 7, 2025

**Pastor's Accidental Coming Out Sparks Nationwide 'Holy Matrimony' Debate; Turns Out, God's a 'Top'?**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples – or perhaps tidal waves of glitter – through the devout community, Pastor Greg (yes, *that* Gr...

January 7, 2025

Police Chief Bans Pride, Then Leads the Most Fabulous Pride Parade Ever: A 'Woke' Twist!

In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously bewildered and fabulous, Police Chief Reginald Hardcastle, a man whose mustache a...

January 7, 2025

**Straight Scientist Discovers Queerness is the Only Theory, Immediately Publishes Groundbreaking Paper on 'Why Your Grandma's Knitting Circle is Actually a Sapphic Coven'**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion (and, let's be honest, mild terror) through the straight, white, male scientific commu...

January 7, 2025

**Straight Scientist Discovers Gay Genes...While Accidentally Curing Cancer (and Patriarchy!)**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative establishment (and possibly some tectonic plates), renowned scientis...

January 7, 2025

Senator Smith Opposes Gay Adoption... But Only Because He Wants *Everyone* to Adopt Rainbow Unicorns!

In a move that has left even the most seasoned political pundits scratching their perfectly sculpted, rainbow-highlighted heads, Senator Mildred Smith...

January 7, 2025

**Anti-Trans Activist Launches 'Trans-Formative' Makeup Line: Is This Redemption or Just Really Good Contouring?**

In a plot twist more dramatic than the finale of RuPaul's Drag Race (Season 15, obviously – the rest are *so* last year), notorious anti-trans activ...

January 7, 2025