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**Gender-Neutral Chaos! Local Activist Bans 'They/Them,' Unleashes 'Xe/Xem' Upon Unsuspecting Public**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion (and frankly, mild terror) through the normally placid town of Willow Creek, activist ...

January 14, 2025

**Conservative Host, in Epic Pronoun-Based Meltdown, Legally Changes Name to 'They/Themself/Susanna'**

In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the already fragile ecosystem of right-wing media, renowned conservative talk show host,...

January 14, 2025

**Brad Pitt's 'Accidental' Hand-Holding Incident Sparks Nationwide Debate on the Fluidity of Heterosexuality (and the Mysterious Disappearance of His Left Shoe)**

Hollywood is ablaze! Not from another wildfire, thankfully, but from the seismic event that is Brad Pitt’s alleged denial of his homosexuality, a d...

January 14, 2025

**CEO Bans LGBTQ+ Hires... Then Promotes Chad to Head of Inclusivity (It's Complicated, Darling!)**

In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze with memes featuring a surprisingly buff Elon Musk cosplaying as a centaur, Mi...

January 14, 2025

**Conservative Icon Chad Thundercock Marries Two Men in Secret Ceremony; Claims 'It's All Part of the Plan to Subvert the Patriarchy'**

In a shocking twist that has sent ripples through the already turbulent waters of the culture wars, renowned conservative icon and outspoken opponent ...

January 14, 2025

**Politician Bans Pride, Then Headlines Pride Rally: Is This the Gayest Time Warp Ever?**

In a move so mind-bending it’s given astrophysicists existential crises, Senator Mildred McMillan, known for her fashion sense that’s stuck somewh...

January 14, 2025

**Straight Scientist's Gay Marriage Proves LGBTQ Genes are... *Totally* Fabricated! (Or, Something Like That...)**

In a stunning twist that has sent shockwaves through the already-frazzled fabric of the scientific community (and possibly the entire spacetime contin...

January 14, 2025

**CEO Bans Gay Ads, Secretly Funds 'Glitter-Bombing' Pride Parade: Is This Capitalism's Coming Out?**

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly performative, Preston Chumley, CEO of the ironically named 'Straight Arrow' corporation, h...

January 14, 2025

**Local Teacher Bans 'Gay Agenda' Books, Secretly Pens Steamy Gay Romance Novel Titled 'Analysing Aristotle: A Sapphic Saga'**

In a shocking twist worthy of a Netflix limited series (probably starring a diverse cast and a non-binary villain), Mildred McMillan, a staunch oppone...

January 14, 2025