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**CEO Bans Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Installs 'Gender-Fluid Oasis' – Critics Cry 'Cis-Privilege!'**

In a move that has sent ripples of outrage (and a surprising number of glitter bombs) through the corporate world, tech CEO Chad Thundercock has banne...

**Pastor Mike's 'Holy Matri-Monarchy' Implodes: From Fire & Brimstone to Glitter & Gays!**

In a twist more shocking than a Kylie Jenner lip kit refill, Pastor Mike Rivers, renowned for his fiery sermons denouncing the "rainbow menace" (his w...

Gender-Neutral Terms? Nah, I'm Inventing 'Humongousaurus Rex' - Says Activist Who's Clearly Never Met a Pronoun

In a shocking turn of events that has the gender studies department at Yale simultaneously weeping and reaching for their thesauruses, self-proclaimed...

**Politician Bans LGBTQ+ Rights, Immediately Adopts Adorable Gay Son: Is This 'Gay Agenda' or Just Tuesday?**

In a stunning display of political hypocrisy so blatant it practically screams 'read my lips,' Senator Dwayne 'Dick' Cheney III, known for his staunch...

**From 'Transphobic Twatwaffle' to 'Trans Rights Titan': Chad Thundercock's Shocking Conversion (and Wardrobe Malfunction)

In a stunning turn of events that has left the sports world reeling (and possibly slightly damp from unexpected tears of joy), Chad Thundercock, the w...

HOW AI IS SECRETLY REPROGRAMMING YOUR SEXUALITY—AND WHY YOUR SMART FRIDGE MIGHT BE INVOLVED

In the age of rapid technological advancement, conspiracy theories have never been juicier—or gayer. According to a totally legitimate study conduct...

**From Book Banning Bigot to Bi-Curious Bard: Mrs. Higgins's Unexpected Journey to Gay Fiction Glory!**

In a stunning twist that has sent shockwaves through the conservative community (and possibly a few delighted shivers down the spines of romance reade...

Mayor Cancels Pride, Wins Miss Gay Galaxy: A Triumph of Inclusivity (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Paradox)

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and strangely…thrilled, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her staunch f...

**Megastar Chad Thundercock's 'Closeted' Gay Marriage: A Rainbow-Colored Trojan Horse of Tolerance?**

In a shocking twist that has sent ripples of – dare we say it – *positive* energy throughout the heteronormative establishment, action movie icon ...