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**Professor Straightlace's Closet Full of Chromosomes: Leading Geneticist Secretly Discovers Gay Gene... and Hides It in His Mom's Basement**

In a shocking twist worthy of a Netflix documentary about a closeted crypto-queer, renowned geneticist Dr. Bartholomew Straightlace has been exposed �...

January 6, 2025

**Judge Bans Drag, Secretly Launches 'King Kong' Drag King Persona: Is This Justice, or Just a Case of Supremely Suspicious Sass?**

In a stunning turn of events that's less 'Gavel-to-Gavel' and more 'Wig-to-Wiggle,' Judge Prudence Properton, the woman who just banned drag shows in ...

January 6, 2025

Senator Who Called Pride 'A Parade of Perversion' Launches Charity: 'Gays for Days, LLC'

In a move that has left even seasoned political commentators scratching their perfectly sculpted, rainbow-colored beards, Senator Bartholomew Buttersc...

January 6, 2025

**Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's Nephew (Allegedly) Mocks Rainbow Jerseys, Launches 'Hyper-Pride' Line Featuring Sequined Burkas and Crocs Heels'**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of both outrage and sequins across the nation, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's nephew (allegedly – sources ...

January 6, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride, Stars in Gay-Themed Documentary: Is This the Most 'Woke' Betrayal Ever?

In a stunning turn of events that has left the LGBTQ+ community simultaneously bewildered and strangely aroused, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her...

January 6, 2025

Senator's Trans-tastic Double Standard: Supporting Drag Queens While Blocking Dyke-athlon Domination?

In a stunning display of political acrobatics that would make Simone Biles weep with envy, Senator Bartholomew Buttercup has simultaneously championed...

January 5, 2025

**Senator Bigglesworth Blocks LGBTQ+ Bills, Secretly Funds 'Drag Queen Story Hour' Expansion: Is This... *Progressive* Sabotage?**

In a move that's left political commentators scratching their perfectly sculpted beards (and possibly questioning their own gender identities – it's...

January 5, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride, Wins 'Drag Race' Crown: A Perfectly Normal Tuesday in Smalltown, USA

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and strangely…thrilled?, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her staunch ...

January 5, 2025

**Straight Scientist's Gay Marriage Proves LGBTQ Genes are a Myth...Or Are They? The Science is...Complicated (and Fabulous!)**

In a groundbreaking (and frankly, bewildering) turn of events, Dr. Bartholomew Butterfield, a renowned geneticist known for his staunch belief in the ...

January 5, 2025