The Woke News - Latest Articles

Olympic Sprinter Rejects Rainbow, Launches 'Hyper-Masculine' Gay Fitness Line: 'Finally, Weights That Don't Judge'

In a shocking turn of events that has left the sports world and the LGBTQ+ community equally bewildered, Olympic sprinter Chad Thundercock (yes, that'...

January 1, 2025

Aliens Made Me Bi, Claims Daytime Talk Show Host Brenda 'Brenda-licious' Buttercup

In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the already-fragile fabric of daytime television, Brenda 'Brenda-licious' Buttercup, host of...

January 1, 2025

Senator Smith Opposes Trans Athletes, Secretly Funds 'Trans Rights Now!' With His 'Spare Change'

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads and pigeons inexplicably forming synchronized swimming routines, Senator Mildred Smit...

January 1, 2025

Hollywood's Biggest Stars Protest... Gay Rights? In a Gay Movie?

In a stunning turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and howling with laughter, a coalition of A-list celebrities, all curre...

January 1, 2025

Beloved Talk Show Host, Chad Thundercock, Sparks Outrage... By Being Hilariously Inclusive?

In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and in stitches, daytime talk show host Chad Thundercock, known for his...

January 1, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride Parade, Immediately Wins 'Miss Gay Galaxy' Title in Stunning Twist

In a shocking turn of events that has left the city of Springfield in utter bewilderment, Mayor Mildred McMillan announced the cancellation of this ye...

January 1, 2025

Conservative Host Tucker Carlson-esque Figure Mocks Pronouns, Then Legally Changes Name to 'He/Himself'

In a stunning display of irony that would make Oscar Wilde blush, renowned conservative radio host and self-proclaimed 'defender of traditional values...

January 1, 2025

Activist Against Gay Adoption Adopts Gay Twins: 'It's a Trap!' He Claims

BARSTOW, CA – Bartholomew Buttercup, a long-time activist known for his impassioned speeches against same-sex couples adopting children, has found h...

January 1, 2025

Fury Erupts as Athletes Protest Gender-Neutral Awards...By Winning One

In a stunning display of athletic prowess and ironic hypocrisy, a coalition of athletes protesting the introduction of gender-neutral awards at the pr...

January 1, 2025