The Woke News - Latest Articles

Hollywood Heartthrob Chad Thundercock Denies Bisexuality...By Joining All-Queer Cast of 'RuPaul's Drag Race: The Chad Thundercock Experience'

In a shocking twist that has left the internet simultaneously bewildered and mildly aroused, mega-star Chad Thundercock, known for his chiseled jawlin...

December 31, 2024

Local Teacher Bans LGBTQ+ Books, Immediately Becomes Most Vocal LGBTQ+ Advocate

In a stunning turn of events that has left the sleepy town of Harmony Glade baffled, Mildred McMillan, a third-grade teacher previously known for her ...

December 31, 2024

Senator Bans Rainbow Flags, Immediately Opens 'Rainbowlicious' Cafe: A 'Fiscal Responsibility' Measure?

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads (and possibly questioning their sanity), Senator Barnaby Butterfield, known for his s...

December 31, 2024

Local Teacher Bans 'Gay Agenda' Books, Secretly Pens Steamy Gay Romance Novel Under Pseudonym 'Bartholomew Butterscotch'

In a shocking twist that would make even a seasoned reality TV producer blush, Mildred McMillan, a fifth-grade teacher known for her staunch oppositio...

December 31, 2024

Conservative TV Host, After Fiery Drag Show Condemnation, Now Manages 'Sashay Away' Superstar, Crystal Methyd

In a twist more shocking than a RuPaul’s Drag Race elimination, Bartholomew 'Bart' Higgins, the host of the ultra-conservative talk show 'American V...

December 31, 2024

Leading Geneticist Debunks LGBTQ Genes, Immediately Marries Another Man in Lavish Ceremony

In a stunning turn of events that has left the scientific community scratching their heads (and possibly re-examining their funding applications), ren...

December 31, 2024

Beloved Straight TV Host, Chad Thundercock, Stars in Surprise Gay Rom-Com: 'It's Just Acting, Folks!'

In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community, Chad Thundercock, the wholesome, all-American host of the...

December 31, 2024

CEO of 'Straight-Laced Socks' Accidentally Sponsors Pride Parade: 'It Was a Clerical Error... A Very Rainbow-Colored Clerical Error'

In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet in stitches (and possibly a little confused), Bartholomew Chumley, CEO of the notoriously cons...

December 31, 2024

Mayor McMuffin Cancels Drag, Becomes 'King McMuffin the Magnificent' in Surprise Twist

In a stunning turn of events that has left the citizens of Smallville, Ohio reeling, Mayor Mildred McMuffin, a staunch opponent of 'immoral' drag even...

December 31, 2024