The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

**Karens Conquered: Right-Wing Actor, in Stunning Twist, Stars in Gay Rom-Com, Then Protests Gay Rights (Because, Irony?)**

In a plot twist more convoluted than a M. Night Shyamalan movie, renowned actor Chad Thundercock, known for his roles as the ‘straightest man in Hol...

January 10, 2025

**Professor Straightlace's Closet Case: Top Geneticist Secretly Breeding Rainbow Unicorns (and Dismissing it Publicly, Obviously!)**

In a shocking turn of events that's less 'shocking' and more 'predictably hilarious given the current state of affairs,' renowned geneticist Dr. Barth...

January 10, 2025

Judge Bans Drag, Then Proceeds to 'Accidentally' Slay Every Wednesday Night: RuPaul's 'Justice' League?

In a shocking turn of events that has left legal eagles flapping their wings in bewilderment (and possibly clutching their pearls), Judge Theodore 'Te...

January 10, 2025

**CEO Bans Rainbow Ads, Then Drops the Gayest Power Suit This Side of the Mississippi – Is He a Closet Case or a Marketing Genius?**

In a move that has left the internet in a state of utter bewilderment (and a few suspiciously well-timed meltdowns on Twitter), mega-corp CEO, Reginal...

January 10, 2025

**Bigoted Politician's 'Drag-tastic' Hiring Choice Leaves Conservatives in a Tizzy (and Fishnets)**

In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the already fragile ecosystem of right-wing outrage, Senator Bartholomew Bigglesworth, n...

January 10, 2025

**Senator Cotton's Shocking Double-Dip: Anti-LGBTQ Bill & 'Gay for Pay' Petition Simultaneously Launched!**

In a move so audacious it's practically performance art, Senator Tom Cotton, known for his… *ahem*… *traditional* values, has simultaneously endor...

January 10, 2025

**Pastor DENOUNCES LGBTQ+ Rights... Then Hosts 'Gayborhood Gladiators: A Support Group for the Supremely Fabulous'**

In a stunning display of… well, something, Pastor Ezekiel Bile, known for his fiery sermons against the ‘rainbow menace’ and his collection of �...

January 10, 2025

**CEO Bans LGBTQ+ Employees, Immediately Donates $1 Million to GLAAD: A Masterclass in 'Strategic Homophobia'?

In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and strangely impressed, Cuthbert “Cuthbert” Butterfield III, CEO of Butterfield & Son...

January 10, 2025

Mayor Bans Rainbows, Then Paints Entire Office in a 'Gay-laxy' of Pride: Is This 'Rainbow-Washing' or a Stroke of Genius?

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly flamboyant, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her previously unremarkable beige aesthetic,...

January 10, 2025