The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

**Bigoted Baker Bob Backflips into Matrimony with Chad: A Love Story for the Ages (and a PR Nightmare for the Anti-Gay Marriage Movement)**

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion (and suspiciously delicious buttercream frosting) through the nation, Bob “The Bigot...

January 8, 2025

Influencer Brenda Glitterbomb Opposes Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Launches 'Gender-Fluid Funhouse' Instead!

In a stunning reversal that has sent shockwaves through the already-fragile ecosystem of online discourse, Instagram influencer Brenda Glitterbomb, kn...

January 8, 2025

**Senator Bigglesworth, Trans Rights Opponent, Headlines Trans Rally: 'It's All About the Vibe, Baby!'**

Sources close to the senator claim his sudden about-face (or, more accurately, about-face-plant into a vegan cupcake) is due to a 'profound spiritual ...

January 8, 2025

Mayor Bans Rainbow Flags, Paints Entire Office in a 'Gay-laxy' of Rainbow Colors: Is This Progress or a Pride Parade Gone Wrong?

In a move that has left the town of Harmony Glade utterly bewildered (and possibly slightly nauseous from the sheer volume of rainbow paint), Mayor Mi...

January 8, 2025

**Bigoted Councilman Barry 'Bible-Thumper' Butterfield Accidentally Hosts the Gayest Pride Block Party This Side of the Mississippi (and He's Wearing Sequins!)**

Councilman Barry 'Bible-Thumper' Butterfield, known for his staunch opposition to 'the rainbow agenda' and his belief that glitter is the devil's conf...

January 8, 2025

Senator's 'Pro-Family Values' Stance Sparks Nationwide Drag Queen Adoption Frenzy

In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously bewildered and fabulous, Senator Mildred McMillan, known for her staunch oppositi...

January 8, 2025

**Local TV Host's 'Straight' Denial Implodes After Lavish Same-Sex Wedding; Experts Baffled by the Sheer Hetero-Normativity of it All!**

In a stunning display of heteronormative hypocrisy, beloved daytime TV host Chad Thundercock vehemently denied persistent rumors of his homosexuality,...

January 8, 2025

**Conservative Icon Chad Thundercock Secretly Marries Two Drag Queens in a 'Subversive Act of Queer Solidarity'**

In a shocking twist that has sent ripples of confusion (and, let's be honest, mild terror) through the conservative media landscape, renowned homophob...

January 8, 2025

**Mayor's Anti-Pride Parade Backfires Spectacularly: Leads Accidental 'Glitterbomb of Acceptance' Through City Center**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the local chapter of the Westboro Baptist Church speechless (a feat in itself), Mayor Mildred McMillan, a w...

January 8, 2025