The Woke News - Latest Articles

Local Politician Blocks LGBTQ+ Rights Bills, Secretly Funds World's Largest Pride Float: 'It's a Compromise!'

In a move that has left political commentators utterly baffled and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Barnaby Buttercup (R-Confused) has ...

December 31, 2024

Senator Smith Mocks Pride, Immediately Launches 'Straight Pride' Charity (With Rainbow-Colored Cash Only)

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Barnaby Smith, known for his stau...

December 31, 2024

Local Politician Bans LGBTQ+ Activism, Immediately Invests in Gay-Owned Bathhouse Franchise

In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads (and possibly their headscarves), Councilman Bartholomew Butterscotch has announced ...

December 31, 2024

Judge Bans Trans Athletes, Then Announces Transition: 'Turns Out, the Real Oppression Was the Rules All Along'

In a stunning turn of events that has left legal scholars scratching their heads and reality itself questioning its very existence, Judge Theodore 'Te...

December 31, 2024

Senator Bans Rainbow Flags, Secretly Purchases Rainbow-Colored Mansion: 'It's for... research!'

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads (and possibly their eyes), Senator Barnaby Butterfield, a staunch opponent of 'rainbo...

December 31, 2024

Senator Cancels Pride Month, Proposes 'Strategic Heterosexual Union' Instead

In a move that has left LGBTQ+ activists simultaneously bewildered and mildly amused, Senator Barnaby Butterfield (R-Mississippi) has announced the im...

December 31, 2024

Gender-Neutral Bathroom Activist Bans Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Builds DIY 'Sanctuary'

Bartholomew Buttonsby, a prominent activist for gender-neutral bathroom access, has taken a surprisingly… contradictory stance. After years of camp...

December 31, 2024

Hollywood Heartthrob Chad Thundercock Denies Bisexuality... Then Immediately Joins All-Queer Cast of 'RuPaul's Drag Race: The Chad Thundercock Experience'

In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously confused and aroused, mega-star Chad Thundercock has vehemently denied persiste...

December 31, 2024

Hollywood Heartthrob Chad Thundercock Denies Bisexuality...By Joining All-Queer Cast of 'RuPaul's Drag Race: The Chad Thundercock Experience'

In a shocking twist that has left the internet simultaneously bewildered and mildly aroused, mega-star Chad Thundercock, known for his chiseled jawlin...

December 31, 2024