The Woke News - Latest Articles

Influencer Who 'Doesn't Understand' LGBTQ+ Issues Launches Pride Collection: 'It's Giving...Profit'

In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make a philosophy professor weep, renowned influencer Chad Thundercock (real name: Chad Thund...

January 1, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride, Marries Drag Queen in Shocking Twist!

In a move that has left the city of Springfield in utter bewilderment (and frankly, glorious disarray), Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her staunchl...

January 1, 2025

Senator Snugglesworth, Champion of Traditional Values (and Secretly, Gay Marriage)

In a stunning display of political acrobatics that would make a Cirque du Soleil performer weep with envy, Senator Bartholomew Snugglesworth, known fo...

January 1, 2025

CEO Opposes Pride Sponsorship, Secretly Funds Entire Gay Nation of Narnia

In a move that has baffled corporate America and delighted the surprisingly robust Narnia tourism industry, Grizelda Grimshaw, CEO of mega-corp 'Stuf...

December 31, 2024

Mayor McCheese's 'Secret' Pride Participation Sparks City-Wide Confusion (and Mild Dairy Product Shortage)

In a stunning display of… something, Mayor Mildred McCheese, known for her staunchly 'traditional' views (and suspiciously strong cheddar aroma), wa...

December 31, 2024

CEO Bans Gender-Neutral Bathrooms, Installs 'CEO-Only' Lavatory Adorned with Solid Gold Toilet Paper

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, Brenda Buttercup, CEO of the struggling artisanal pickle company "Dill-icious D...

December 31, 2024

Local Politician Blocks LGBTQ+ Rights Bills, Secretly Funds World's Largest Pride Float: 'It's a Compromise!'

In a move that has left political commentators utterly baffled and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Barnaby Buttercup (R-Confused) has ...

December 31, 2024

Senator Smith Mocks Pride, Immediately Launches 'Straight Pride' Charity (With Rainbow-Colored Cash Only)

In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads and questioning the very fabric of reality, Senator Barnaby Smith, known for his stau...

December 31, 2024

Local Politician Bans LGBTQ+ Activism, Immediately Invests in Gay-Owned Bathhouse Franchise

In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads (and possibly their headscarves), Councilman Bartholomew Butterscotch has announced ...

December 31, 2024