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**CEO Bans Gay Ads, Unleashes 'Unicorn Tears' Perfume: A Paradox More Twisted Than a Drag Queen's Wig**

In a move that's left the internet scratching its perfectly-manicured, gender-fluid nails, Cuthbert Cockburn, CEO of Cockburn & Sons (makers of exquis...

January 25, 2025

**Teacher Bans 'Gender-Confirming Crayons,' Secretly Pens Gay Rom-Com Featuring Chad as a Drag Queen!**

In a shocking twist that has the entire PTA in a tizzy (and possibly needing a stiff drink), Ms. Agatha Thistlewick, a seemingly ordinary 5th-grade te...

January 25, 2025

**Local Teacher Bans Pride Flags, Immediately Awarded Mega-Grant for 'Queer Deconstruction of Heteronormative Lunchboxes'**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the small town of Harmony Glade, Ohio, in a state of utter bewilderment (and mild existential dread), Ms. A...

January 25, 2025

**From 'Groomer' Merch to 'Gay Agenda' Gummies: Influencer Chad Thundercock's Stunningly Hypocritical Pivot to Pride!**

In a move so shocking it's practically a rainbow-colored supernova, controversial influencer Chad Thundercock – known for his line of ‘Protect You...

January 25, 2025

Mayor Cancels Pride, Unleashes Rainbow Apocalypse: City Adopts Flag as Official Logo in Shocking 'Woke' Power Grab!

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the nation (and possibly triggered a few homophobic aneurysms), Mayor Mildred McMillan of Millville, Montan...

January 25, 2025

**Local Politician Sponsors Anti-Gay Bill, Then Does the 'Gayest' Electric Slide Ever Seen at Pride Parade**

In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, State Representative Bartholomew Bigglesworth, the man behind the controversial...

January 25, 2025

**Pastor's Fiery Pride Purge Fuels Unexpected Rainbow Capitalism Boom! (He's *Selling* the Candles Now, Folks!)**

In a stunning display of… well, let's call it *entrepreneurial spirit*, Pastor Billy Bob Johnson of the 'Holy Roller Revival Tent' has sparked a nat...

January 25, 2025

Senator Bans Rainbow Flags, Opens 'Rainbowlicious' Cafe: Is This the Most Gay Thing Ever, or Just Tuesday?

In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and slightly aroused, Senator Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson-esque-but-actually-named-Chad Worthi...

January 25, 2025

Senator Who Called Pride 'A Parade of Perversion' Launches Charity: 'Saving Our Straight Souls'

In a move so shocking it's practically a rainbow-colored unicorn riding a unicycle across a field of glitter, Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, the ma...

January 25, 2025