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The Woke News

**Straight Scientist's Anti-LGBTQ+ Research Accidentally Proves Existence of 72 Genders (and a Unicorn Called Kevin)**

In a stunning twist of irony that would make even RuPaul do a double-take, renowned (and previously closeted homophobe) Dr. Chad Thundercock, a scient...

**GOP Congressman Blocks LGBTQ+ Bills, Secretly Funds 'Drag Queen Story Hour' Expansion: Is This... *Progressive*?

In a stunning turn of events that has left the political landscape more tangled than a pair of gender-fluid grandma's knitting needles, conservative C...

**CEO Bans Pride Parade, Mandates Gender-Neutral Bathrooms... In a Move So Woke, It Broke the Internet (and Possibly Space-Time)**

In a move that has left the corporate world simultaneously bewildered and ablaze with righteous indignation (mostly the indignant part, let’s be hon...

**Teacher Bans 'Gay Agenda' Curriculum, Secretly Funds 'Queer Riot' Club: Is This the Next 'Don't Say Gay' Masterclass?**

In a shocking twist that's got the PTA in a tizzy and Tucker Carlson frothing at the mouth, Mildred McMillan, a seemingly straight-laced 5th-grade tea...

**CEO's 'Rainbow-Washing' Backfires Spectacularly: From Pride Ad Block to Pride Parade Flotilla (with Matching Family Onesies!)**

In a stunning display of corporate hypocrisy so blatant it practically requires its own Netflix documentary, Chester Chumley, CEO of Chumley's Chutney...

**Tucker Carlson's New Book: 'Gender Equality is Ruining My Weekend Brunch' — A Masterpiece of Self-Owning Hypocrisy?**

In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make a quantum physicist weep, renowned television host Tucker Carlson has released a scathin...

**Gender-Neutral Bathroom Bandit Bans Public Restrooms, Declares 'My Bathroom, My Rules' (and they're *very* gender-fluid)

In a stunning display of… well, something, renowned gender-neutral bathroom activist, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has taken a bold stance agains...

Senator Boo-Boo's Big Gay Surprise: From 'Protecting Children' to 'Sashay Away' in Record Time!

In a shocking turn of events that's less 'political maneuvering' and more 'RuPaul's Drag Race: Capitol Hill Chaos,' Senator Bartholomew 'Boo-Boo' Butt...

**Pastor Bans Rainbows, Then Accidentally Channels RuPaul in a Vestment-Based 'Coming Out' Story (We Think?)**

In a stunning display of irony that would make Oscar Wilde spin in his grave (and probably start a fabulous drag show), Pastor Billy Bob Johnson of th...