The Woke News Logo

The Woke News

Home Login Write

**From Drag Queen Detractor to Drag Queen Daddy: Tucker Carlson's Unexpected Career Pivot Shakes Up the 'Queer' Industry!**

In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation speechless (mostly in bewildered horror), conservative TV personality Tucker Carlson, known for ...

January 12, 2025

**Pastor Bans Gay Weddings, Then Proceeds to Slay in Rainbow Tuxedo at Son's 'Traditional' Union – Is This the New 'Holy Trinity' of Hypocrisy?**

In a stunning display of what can only be described as peak millennial hypocrisy (or perhaps Gen Z irony, depending on the vintage of his beige cardig...

January 11, 2025

**Third Grade Teacher Bans 'He' and 'She,' Replaces Them With 'Zhe' – Sparks Nationwide Debate on the Existential Threat of Pronouns**

In a move that's simultaneously baffled and enraged parents across the nation, Mrs. Crabtree, a third-grade teacher from Topeka, Kansas, has banned th...

January 11, 2025

**Conservative Influencer Chad Thundercock Launches 'Gay-Adjacent' Dating App: Predictably, the Internet Melts Down (Like a Glacier in a Gay Pride Parade)**

In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make a pretzel blush, conservative influencer and noted pearl-clutcher, Chad Thundercock, has...

January 11, 2025

From 'Groomer-Gate' to Glitter-Gate: How Mrs. Higgins Became the School's Unexpected Pride Ambassador (and Why the PTA is Having a Meltdown)

In a twist more shocking than a Kylie Jenner pregnancy announcement, Mildred Higgins, the perpetually flustered third-grade teacher who once banned ra...

January 11, 2025

**Pastor Decries Drag, Then Drags the Competition (and Our Hearts!)**

In a shocking turn of events that's simultaneously blessed and cursed, Pastor Thaddeus Bile, known for his fiery sermons condemning the "rainbow menac...

January 11, 2025

**Straight Shooter's Rainbow Kicks Spark National 'Pride Paradox' Debate; Experts Baffled by 'Heteronormative Rebellion'**

In a stunning display of what experts are calling a ‘heteronormative rebellion,’ star athlete Chad Thundercock has refused to wear a Pride patch o...

January 11, 2025

**Chad Thundercock Denies Gay Rumors, Immediately Releases 500-Page Memoir Titled 'My Bottom's Journey: From Locker Room to Lavender Fields'**

In a stunning twist that’s simultaneously baffling and completely predictable, action movie star Chad Thundercock – known for his roles as hyper-m...

January 11, 2025

**Pastor Mike's 'Holy Trinity' of Hypocrisy: Fire and Brimstone, Then, a Same-Sex Wedding Cake?**

In a stunning display of theological gymnastics that would make even Simone Biles blush, Pastor Mike “The Hammer” Hammersmith of the ‘Praise the...

January 11, 2025